Anxiety and Hoarding.

Today has kind of been a mess…

It’s been one year today since I decided that I was going to be honest to my parents and let them know that I want a different life than what they thought I wanted. From the experience, I felt an array of emotions but I guess I didn’t really get them all out last year: So today I was just in an emotional rush. I woke up to take a shower which ended up being ice cold, so I was frustrated. I went to school and somehow a tear leaked out of my eye. Those who know me realize I have no tear ducts so I was caught really off guard. The professor saw and asked what was wrong, so I told him, “Nothing. It’s just that evolutionary biology just touches me in ways I can’t describe.” I went off to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and straighten my emotions out, so of course I sent a text to my best friend CC.

I thought I was losing my mind. So many emotions just were leaking out of me and I felt like a total mess. So then I got a text from my mom saying to call her up. I freaked. I didn’t plan on talking to my parents today, just in case they remembered what happened on this day last year, so when I saw this I gave myself an anxiety attack. I was sitting in my religion class and my heart was beating out of control. Fortunately enough I had a ball of hemp, so I made several bracelets to calm my nerves.

I called her up right after class, and made sure I did so in a public place so that we couldn’t really discuss anything. Turns out, she just wanted to tell me not to use a credit card that she sent me up here with. SO then I felt stupid about being so anxious. It’s a vicious circle it is, like watching “Hoarders.”

My friend talked to me about the show and how it makes her feel like she is a hoarder whenever she watches it. I too have adopted the idea and now clean my house incessantly when I turn it on. So this week I was watching a re-run and decided to look through my e-mail when I realized my junk inbox had 703 old messages in it. So of course the sane thing to do would be to delete all e-mails that I have and then clean out all old papers I have on my computer. HAHA Hoarding! I have trumped you once again!